FOR SO MANY YEARS, I WASN'T HAPPY

For so many years, I wasn’t happy and I didn’t even realize it.

It’s amazing how changing situations and looking back over the past can give you perspective on what you had been living through. Because, see, even now I want to say that it wasn’t so bad. After all, I felt physically safe, I had a roof over my head, I had family and I had friends. It was so easy to glaze over all the little times that I felt small, not heard, not supported, not valued. It was easy because I was so used to it, and other people around me were used to it too. With this, I made excuses and I didn’t acknowledge all the times that I felt put down or just down in general. I ended up feeling disconnected and unhappy but not fully grasping why – or not wanting to admit it.

And then there were the bigger feelings, the ones about the world and the societies in which we live. For me, it has been seeing the rampant levels of loneliness, mental illness, anxiety and depression that has affected me the most, as well as seeing the widespread trauma and dysfunction that is spread across so many individuals and families. It is what I sometimes feel is the seemingly lack of care for each other and the planet, the disconnection and the protection of whatever it is we are holding onto. That is what gets to me the most and what sometimes bursts through my body in the form of sadness, pain, tears and anger.

But life can change. In time, I built more awareness, I tried to listen to what people were observing about my situation, I started to dream and drift off to places and circumstances that weren’t part of my reality up to then. I opened up. I wanted to see and feel change. I wanted to feel all the feelings that humans are supposed to feel, including real feelings of love, joy, connection, and peace. I just wanted something else. Up until then, I could describe myself akin to Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love: "There is, like, nothing! I have no pulse!"

What I know now is that there are so many really good people in this world. Many of us are building, growing, connecting, and helping each other thrive. But still many of us are aching, hurting, knocked down, alone and tired.

The other day, in a simple moment that Pablo and I shared together, I received a very connected hug in the midst of a few stressful days of packing, moving, and unpacking as we moved in to our new home. When normally we would hug many times throughout the day, we had forgotten to connect and be with each other as we usually would. That hug made me spontaneously cry my eyes out and I was struck with a load of gratitude at being able to have this type of deeply healing and supportive connection in my life.

What we are offering through The Cuddle Couple and what we strive to bring to every client we see is an opportunity to feel nurtured, held and cared for so that our clients can feel good, heal and carry warmth and love in as many places and to as many people as possible.